Undercover Assignment

This is my account of an undercover assignment I undertook as an investigative journalist for HTV Wales. My mission involved joining an alleged religious cult over a five week period, gathering evidence that could validate complaints, and secretly filming meetings with church leaders. To avoid possible repercussions, I have elected not to name the alleged 'cult' involved. If anyone is interested in knowing the identity of this organization I would be willing to share that information in confidence

INTRODUCTION
During the summer of 1998 I was a 28 year-old investigative journalist, with the Welsh current affairs series, Y Byd ar Bedwar (The World on Four). This was an exciting position with a program that delighted in exposes, 'doorstep' interviews and 'actuality' footage. A colleague of mine, who was researching religious cults, became particularly interested in a new 'church' establishing itself in Cardiff, the capital city of Wales. This group caused great concern to cult investigation organizations nationwide. Former members complained of being manipulated, pressurized, isolated and alienated from family and friends and of losing large sums of money. Psychologists claimed the group used classic brainwashing techniques and said that many former members displayed acute symptoms of PTSD. When my program Editor and Producers asked me to infiltrate this group and gather evidence and footage for an expose, I gladly accepted the challenge. As I embarked on this venture I was told very little about the organization in order to remain objective, unbiased and be free to relay my own experience. We agreed on a story - sticking very closely to the truth - and armed with a secret camera and very little else I started my adventure.

BECOMING A MEMBER
Joining up was easy - I sat outside a local Sports Center where the group met for services, and acted a little lost, sad and forlorn, pretending that my tennis partner had stood me up. A member approached me within minutes! A young girl asked me to come to church with her and not wanting to appear too eager I initially refused, allowing her to 'convince' me - which she did very skillfully.
Many eyes fell on me as I entered the room and I was very warmly welcomed into the fold. The service was lively and evangelical, and was led by a young minister, a nice looking, clean-cut guy about my own age. Following the service I was pounced on by several members who were practically fighting over me with lures of tempting bible study opportunities. It was decided that the minister's wife, also young and attractive, would become my personal discipler. In the interest of privacy I'll call her Julie.
I noticed immediately that most members were quite young, active, vocal and energetic (if not rather frantic!) I later discovered that this 'church' targets cities with a population of a 100,000 or more and try to recruit young people, especially those who have just moved to the city and have no close connections. They also make sure recruits are employed as they strongly believe in tithing!
To be fair my initial impressions were quite positive. I found the church to be lively, fun and full of friendly people who were willing to listen and share problems. I honestly thought at this stage 'what's the big deal here? They're totally harmless!' That sentiment changed very quickly as I became more involved with the church.

TEACHINGS
Very soon after my first service, Julie, my discipler began tutoring me in the church's interpretation
of the Bible, aspects of which were applied to my life. She claimed that to be a true Christian and ultimately 'make it' to heaven you had to meet up with other Christians daily and attend a church
that believes in salvation through repentance and baptism. Consequently I had to attend one-on-one sessions lasting hours at a time, which proved exhausting and draining, mostly because of the constant, almost hypnotic eye contact. I would often be invited to Julie's very nicely furnished and well placed apartment for these little lessons in sin. It was obvious that this particular couple did not go without materially as they lived quite comfortably, and had a penchant for expensive items!

REPENT!
I was told that I needed to repent for all my sins and my worst one was smoking. To smoke would guarantee me a place in Hell and there was a zero tolerance policy on this one - either stop smoking or burn in eternal fires! I can't exactly remember why this was such a sin, but I'm almost positive it had little to do with my health. The only course open to me was repenting, asking forgiveness and of course to stop smoking. This was really difficult for a chainsmoker, who especially needed one just before (and after) meeting with church members. To appear genuine I had to try and quit and to ease my cravings I ate tons of wine gums.The minister somehow found out about my endeavors and used me as an example of greatness during one of his sermons. I was so very touched and proud.
Another sin was wearing short skirts and low cut tops. This apparently tempted the poor men in the church - whom I guess could not handle simply not looking! I was also informed that women had to submit to their husbands - which I found particularly annoying and old-fashioned. I asked for what reason exactly and was promptly told that 'it says so in the Bible'. Julie couldn't tell me where exactly in the Bible it says 'thou shalt not smoke Marlboro Lights!', however!

WIVES - PLEASE YOUR HUSBANDS!
I found the barrage of questions during our sessions very unnerving, especially those of a personal nature. Julie wanted to know about every little aspect of my life and who or what was a part of it. It was particularly distasteful to discuss my marital relationship with this woman. But Julie was persistent where my other half was concerned as she really wanted him to join up. I was informed that I (and every other wife by the way!) had a responsibility to 'please' their husbands physically! Julie went into much detail over this and I filmed the whole conversation, part of which was later broadcast, much to my husband's horror! Not to be disrespectful or anything, but I just can't imagine that Jesus ever taught anything about how much sex was adequate to please your partner! I guess he may have thought it was none of his business. The preoccupation with my 'personal' life and 'pleasing' my spouse physically was a clear attempt to make this church a little more attractive! If there were lures of an improved sex life who could blame him for thinking this was a good thing, right? To be honest here, I made up a little story about 'problems' with my physical marital relations (prompted by my director) just to see what the reaction would be. It worked to a tee - she didn't stop talking about it. According to Julie you should have sex at least four times a week to make things work out. Females must also maintain a certain weight and join a gym to make sure they look good for their significant others. Did the males write the rules for this church - whaddya think? Julie could not pinpoint where exactly in the bible this little tidbid was written either! It really escapes me what the spiritual message was here (they are a church right?) and again this was a rather obvious tactic to make church membership more appealing - especially to males of course (viagara anyone?) But to us women of caliber and independence (and half a brain!) this is outdated, sexist and just plain ridiculous. Any female who chose to go along with this, to me, was obviously timid, desperate and very brainwashed.

RELATIONSHIPS
One of the tactics (I believe) of the church was an attempt to cut-off new members from their 'old' lives and previous acquaintances. They basically involved members in some kind of church activity; sermons, bible study, evangelizing, etc., every day and night of the week until they had no time or room for any 'outsiders'. Forming relationships or dating people outside of the church was strongly discouraged. If a member was involved with someone who refused to 'convert' to this church then he or she was more or less forced to end the relationship. This, by the way, did not apply to married 'converts' whose spouse was not a member. In this instance, they strongly encouraged you to get your husband or wife to come to church. Speaking from my own experience, both the minsiter and the wife called up my house often to speak with my husband and try and convince him to join up. They obviously didn't believe in divorce although it was okay I guess to split up other equally successful relationships that were not blessed by a marriage licence! For example a young girl from Africa, (with whom I studied the bible on occasion) ended up having to break off a very good and loving relationship with her boyfriend, a muslim who refused to convert to the church. She was very upset and perturbed about this and I felt very sorry for her. I could not intervene of course as I was an observer only and my job was to find information and gather evidence of any wrongdoing.

SPREADING THE WORD
The concept of 'evangelizing' or recruiting was very much emphasized by this church and they often referred to the early disciples of the New Testament and their perseverance and faith. Great importance was placed on 'sharing' the faith and spreading the 'good' news. Rather than 'sharing' faith however from what I saw of their recruiting methods, half of them could not really explain the church's doctrine - the emphasis was to get people to come to church and keep them coming - not sharing any good news with them! We often went out street evangelizing, which I detested. One day we gathered at the top of Cardiff's main shopping street for a group evangelizing event and after a pep talk and being 'fired' up we were separated into pairs. I couldn't believe my luck (and photo opportunities) when I was paired with the minister himself! (I'll call him Dave!) I tried my best to appear 'fired up' and watched him in action while making sure the camera hidden securely in the strap of my backpack was capturing everything. I was actually surprised that so many religious zealots unleashed on the poor unsuspecting general public, did not meet with more hostility.

UNDER PRESSURE
About three weeks into my assignment I was allowed to watch an interview with a former member just to compare experiences. I agreed with many things this young woman said and felt that despite the clear purpose of my being involved with the church, i.e. as a journalist there to gather information and provide evidence, I was nevertheless not immune to the pressures and stress to which I was exposed. I felt drained and tired from so many lectures in sin, and had unconsciously been affected by the 'fear' and 'guilt' syndrome experienced by so many ex-members who have spoken out. I knew however that this was temporary and that I had a clear objective. I felt sorry for those who got caught up in all this and became confused about themselves and the direction of their lives. I had to really try and disassociate myself from these emotions and focus entirely on my endeavor. I actually found it quite easy to become another person and stay in that role and persona for several hours at a time. But I had to be constantly on my guard to stay in character and not forget my story! I almost slipped up a few times regarding past experiences and since these people were so observant and had such sharp memories one slip up could have proved disastrous! I also had to be aware that I was filming. The lens of my secret camera was neatly hidden in the strap of my backpack, which I carried with me for most sessions. Inside the bag was a recorder and I had to be conscious of batteries running out and tapes ending. I usually carried my bag to the bathroom to change the batteries and tapes if I thought there would be more good material to film! Unfortunately one day Julie accompanied me to a public restroom and took the stall next to mine. I ended up having to use the bathroom and change batteries simultaneously.Talk about multi tasking! My cover was almost blown one day when a loud click sounded from my backpack which was placed on a table that Julie, her cohorts and I were sitting around. I had the forethought (thank goodness) of placing a walkman on top of the offending recorder that morning and therefore had something to blame for the sound. To my knowledge neither Julie, Dave the minister or anyone else suspected my real purpose and identity. If they did they never gave me that impression or changed their behavior. There was only one instance when Julie did eye the backpack suspiciously when I was nonchalantly placing it for a good shot!

BRAINWASHED?
I really do believe that some of the members displayed signs of brainwashing as we generally know the term. Many were conditioned to swallow everything that was taught to them without question. I attended a few bible discussions that attracted about thirty or so members. These sessions were very patronizing, and rather than being a discussion between a group of equal and intelligent adults it was as if Uncle Remus was telling stories to a group of awe-struck kids! Nobody challenged what was said or asked questions. They just sat around shouting 'that's right', or 'that's great' at intervals, while the minister sat in his rocking chair looking smug and important. Expressions of 'wow that's awesome' after a very ordinary verse was read aloud from the bible was bizarre to me (who was then unfamiliar with American charismatic evangelical preachers) as was the continuous string of 'go Julie' or 'go Dave' whenever the minister or his wife spoke. All members adopted phrases alien to Wales, namely 'awesome', 'radical' and 'fired up' - expressions used very often as if it was a requirement. This was not the everyday speech of Cardiff!

GIVE US YOUR MONEY!
Then we come to tithing. It's all about the money! During one weekday service a table was set up at the back of the hall where Julie and a few drones, sorry, volunteers, would be sitting collecting tithes from members. This was compulsory by the way! I was strongly encouraged from the very beginning to find a job - I had told them I was out of work having recently moved back to Wales from America, but that my husband was employed. I was therefore required to 'donate' a portion of a tithe to the church - an action which I caught on tape. I got a great shot of Julie grabbing the cash from my hand with a huge smile on her face, God love her!
In addition to the tithe there were several other 'donating' opportunities that members were strongly encouraged to participate in. One was a special donation to a good cause in some third world country or other to help poor children. I don't know for sure of course, but I sincerely doubt that any of this money actually reached any cause other than keeping the church leaders in a very nice lifestyle! From what I witnessed as I mentioned earlier, the couple's home and possessions suggested that they were very well compensated for their God-fearing work!

BAPTISM
After many hours of sin lessons I was ready for my baptism. This would make me a fully fledged member of the Church and would guarantee me a first class ticket to Heaven! Unbeatable value there eh? First of all Julie spent several hours giving me a detailed description of the Crucifixion - she could easily have written the script for 'The Passion of the Christ'. I was told of blood loss, wounds, asphyxiation, how long it would take for someone to die from this torture and how painful it would be. This was a horrible experience and very cruel and manipulative. Julie then said to me something to the effect of 'see what Jesus went through for you to forgive your sins? The least you can do is repent and become a Christian.'
I was rather unhappy at the prospect of being baptised in a swimming pool - full immersion by the way. I was hoping I could wear a t-shirt over my swimsuit as the whole congregation would be there for the grand event! I was uncomfortable for another reason also. Regardless of how much I (and many others) disagreed with the methods and beliefs of the church, I did not want to appear disrespectful to people who truly believed this was their salvation. I did indeed experience a moral dilemma at this point. I felt that no-one was being physically harmed after all and there was no clear evidence of long-term psychological damage either. After coming this far I had to proceed and finish my assignment and my guilty feelings were compounded when I was presented with a beautiful bouquet of flowers following my baptism!

TIME TO LEAVE!
When my editor finally decided it was time to 'pull me out' I called Julie to say that I didn't want to attend church any more. A colleague filmed me making the call and captured the audio so that we had evidence of the actual conversation. Many former members had complained of experiencing pressure and harassment from the church when they attempted to leave and we wanted to see if this would apply to me. Julie was very upset when I told her my news and that I preferred not to meet up with her to talk about it. Throughout the conversation she asked why I wanted to leave the church and my answer was that it was too time consuming and that I didn't exactly agree with everything the church stood for. I asked her not to contact me anymore and ended the conversation. She ignored my request however and called a few days later. We spoke for about 35 minutes, during which time she tried to instill feelings of guilt and appeal to my conscience. She claimed to be extremely upset at my leaving, and accused me of treating a friend badly - she claimed to have 'cried buckets' over it. Julie reminded me that to be a true Christian and make it to Heaven I would have to meet up with other Christians every day and attend a church that believes in salvation through repentance and baptism (i.e. their church). I said that I had a pretty good chance of making it in spite of this. She then accused me of treating her badly and I reminded her that it wasn't a personal slight, just the fact that I didn't want to go to church anymore - to which she replied, "I am the Church! and so is everyone in it, and if one part is suffering it all suffers!". This was to make me feel guilty about ruining the whole church, and I can imagine how someone, who was not in my situation would have felt at hearing that.
This, I am sure, was quite deliberate and very well performed!

NEVER A DULL MOMENT!
I never felt physically threatened during my assignment but I did find myself in a precarious situation one evening. I was coaxed into driving a member home (it's the Christian thing to do!) and this lady was a little strange and nervous. She told me during the drive that she and her husband used to be Moonies but now she had found 'the real thing' He was, however not yet a member. She lived in a not-so-good area of town and being polite I accepted her offer of a cup of tea. Her husband was home and I immediately knew I should never have walked into this dingy place. She made a cup of tea and being afraid to drink it I only took one sip just to appear normal. I was seated in an arm chair and she plopped herself down right on one of the arms, invading my personal space in doing so, making me feel very uncomfortable. At this point a heated argument ensued and the guy just started shouting at her (he looked and acted a little crazy!) and I felt there was going to be a serious altercation. He was pacing back and forth and I made some excuse and literally ran out of the apartment without glancing back. I've never felt so scared - nobody knew of my whereabouts and anything could have happened. I'm not being dramatic or anything but I do think this couple was very unstable.

LIFE AFTER CHURCH!
Prior to broadcast we invited the church to present their side of the story in an interview, and they refused. Thankfully, I did not encounter any of the members after the show aired but I did hear that I wasn't exactly the flavor of the month in church circles! My husband and I moved apartments quite soon after just in case. For several months I did experience recurring nightmares involving some of the church members. According to psychologists and experts we interviewed for the show this is a common occurrence with people who have been involved with alleged cults.

CULT OR NO CULT?
Our program never accused the church of being a cult - we only offered information and evidence to suggest that some people believed it was. We did interview several members and former members who claimed the group was not at all dangerous and had in fact been a positive influence on many people's lives, inlcuding their own. The program was produced in an objective way and was as balanced as it could be. The church refused our offer of an interview and the Minister lost his opportunity to defend the organization he represented. This is not unusual in the sphere of investigative journalism. The church did threaten a lawsuit against myself and the program citing the fact that I filmed in a private residence, and again we in investigative journalism are used to this scenario and they soon dropped the case.
During an interview with a representative of The Cult Information Center in London, however, I was informed that this particular group was then classified as one of the most dangerous 'cults' in Britain.

MY OPINION
Having personally infiltrated this 'church' and observed some of their practices, methods and techniques first-hand, I believe it should be avoided at all costs. This is a well-organized, profitable business with a pyramid-style, hierarchial structure - rather than a church offering spiritual advice, guidance, enlightenment or salvation. The leaders are well trained professionals and every aspect of their message and teachings are geared towards manipulating and controlling people as well as making money. This is a predator that preys on weak and vulnerable people, targeting cities with a guaranteed pool of the sad, the lonely, the displaced, isolated, lost, disillusioned, the young and the naive. All the mannerisms, gestures, words, phrases and the constant eye-contact were deliberate, rehearsed, well delivered and very well performed. I felt a noticeable absence of genuine care, compassion and concern. I also felt an underlying sense of anxiety, fear, pressure and guilt among members, despite their happy and carefree exteriors. Their friendliness seemed forced and their constant displays of affection disingenuous, with hugs feeling somewhat like extremely weak handshakes. In my opinion most members seemed confused, insecure and misguided, and willingly allowed themselves to be controlled by others without much resistance. I felt very sorry for them. My advice to any individual with a spiritual yearning is to keep clear of groups that display any of these characteristics, especially if they leave you drained, exhausted and guilty and dictate how you should live your life. This applies to any religious or spiritual groups where there are charismatic leaders who are revered, and where there is a tithing requirement. It's best to find your own spiritual voice and to search for peace within.

Thank you

Alison Hill